How Do You Inspire Trust?

TRUST; Removing the Stumbling Block

As Jewish leaders, we are looked to as teachers, guides, mentors, advisers, counselors, and confidantes. People trust us; with their questions, with their challenges, with their significant moments, with their children and other cherished family members, with their spirits and with their souls.

Yet trust is not something given freely; it is something that must be earned. For me, in my work in Jewish inclusion, the most significant way that I earn trust is by saying, “Yes.” 

Parents of children with disabilities often struggle in many aspects of their lives. I have heard reference to the many “battles” they must wage with doctors, insurance agents, therapists, secular school teachers and so on. When a family makes the choice to join a faith community, I believe that they are seeking a place where they don’t have to fight, where they can be accepted as they are and where their family can come for respite and rejuvenation. It would seem logical to find this in a synagogue community. 

The most significant thing that any of us can say to a family or individual with disabilities is “Yes, we can meet your needs…now help me understand how to do that.” I do not suggest that every request or potential accommodation can and will be met with “yes”, but I recognize that by opening the door I set the stage for an open, honest and trusting relationship. It means that when something truly is not possible, we can speak about it calmly and realistically.   

Martin Buber taught that “human relationships, at their best, involve mutual knowledge and respect, treating self and others as valuable human beings”.

When we start with yes, we rely on our trusting relationships to guide us.   

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  1. Great post! I am really enjoying reading this series. Just want to add that as a parent sometimes it helps to say... "We can't do it that way because ---. Let's think about what we are trying to achieve and work together to figure out how we can do it within the context that we are working in." Getting to the root of what the actual goal is (rather than just the method) usually means being able to find a solution that works for everyone.

    1. Thanks, Monica for sharing such significant insight. It is a partnership and we CAN all do this together!


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